Assalamualaikum.
Hey guys n girls...how u guys been doing..? Well...? No? Sick? Ill? Went to the hospital? Well, I juz hope u guys are all ok.
I on the other hand, feeling a lot better after a week having fever. Yes...a week. Its been so long since I had fever. So, I kinda feel weak. But I am not writing to ask for u guys sympathy or empathy or anything for that matter. Juz wanted to share with u guys n girls out there. =)
Anyways...this post is not about what I wrote before. The idea came to me in juz like...a flash. I did not intend to even do any post. But since, I have the idea and I am sitting in front of the computer right now. Might as well just post it.
It may bore some of u...it may not for others. It all depends on how u guys read it and at what time.
Moving on... U guys ever had first love...? I mean a real first love. When, its like...u met the girl for the first time and then u really feel something. Not juz ure heart racing...but u feel like...she is the one. She makes u feel better in so many different ways. Well, I have. And to tell u the truth...I still remember her like she is still with me. Unfortunately she moved on. I too had to move on. Eventhough both of us at one point...we wanted to still be with each other. Sad to say, I need time if I were to really get back with her.
Here is what I really wanted to share. I wanna share with u guys how I made her life a living hell. Well, it may make u guys think that I am like a terrible partner...terrible boyfriend...but I realize that its true. For as long as I was with her, I always complained on how she was controlling me...I always complained about when she always wanna look for my mistakes. I keep on complaining when every time she wants me to do it this way and not my way. But here's the truth...I was in such an open environment, I kept on treating other girls like I am not even in a relationship. Then, she will then at the end of the day...keep on quarreling with me about how I treat other girls almost the same as how I treat her. I never set the boundaries between me and other girls. Myb half way now u guys will think what an ass I am treating my own gf dat way. Yes, I know I am an ass, a jerk, whatever so u wanna call me. That is where my mistake was in the first place. No, I never find another girl...its juz that what I did...my actions, reflected as if I didn't even have a gf. Although, just to make things clear...I loved her and as truth speaks for itself so far...I still do. I still love her. I love her from the day we met, till the day she left me. I never ever thought of anyone else other than her. She was one amazing girl. She almost as if acted like a real wife to me. I really intended to marry her if Allah is willing. We already made plans here and there...yes it might sound funny or immature or tacky or whatever u guys can think of. But that is what we did. We even already had names for our daughters and sons. Truly their names are all her ideas and it was sweet. I can never forget their names. For the boys and for the girls. Each name was special. I liked all the names she gave.
Then, she was also caring...she cared for me like as if I was her real husband. I am not joking. She really did. She might not be able to do much...but when we were together she took care of me in a way I didn't realize till now. I was so wrong. I always said... why can't she see the way how I see things. But there itself is already my mistake. We both see things in a different way. I accepted her...but I did not accept how she saw things. She was so caring towards me but I tried to make her not care about me. Whats wrong with me....damn...that was so stupid. I regret doing whatever I did in the past to her. She is truly a lovely girl. If u guys meet her, I bet u guys will say the same. Normally people will say there are many other girls out there...yes its true. There are many girls out there...but not the same as her. I know u guys must be reading and seeing me praise her alot and say..."enough with the praising...she is great. We get it.". Well, truth is...I regret not saying it to her. That is why now...I am taking the time to say all these things. She is as kind-hearted as can be. She is smart to...sincerely....she really is smart. She is smarter than me though. Thats one thing for sure. She got good grades...even better grades than me. But I know...grades itself can't take us anywhere without hardwork right. Even so, I think she will be successful. Maybe even more successful than me. Who knows...well that all depends right.
Anyways, I wanna say this to all the guys... pls dont do the same mistake that I did. If cares for u, then dat means she cares. If she nags...well, juz listen ok. She is more or less like ure mom. They are both girls. They'll nag at u by any means necessary if they see what u are doing is wrong or not according to their preference. But their nagging...is what will actually make u a better person. N NO I DONT LIKE BEING NAGGED at. But what can I do...truthfully, u can't live without em'. Next is when they get upset or in malay we call it MERAJUK. This is when they act like they dont care anymore...they turn their backs at u...they say things like they dont like u or something like dat...but in reality...that is when they CARE THE MOST and they CARE what u are going to do. How are u going to turn things around. They care A LOT about all those things. So, here is what I wanna say...juz pamper them alrite. Nothing wrong. But juz NOT TOO MUCH. NEVER pamper them too much. Then that will juz make ure life more n more miserable. Then the part where they wanna be close to u...they are like cats. Ever had a pet cat before? If u do then u know how cats are. They like being spoiled (manja in malay). To any girls that are reading this....I juz hope ure not denying it. I know some of u may deny this....but its a fact. Dun worry...its not a bad thing. So, to u guys...again I am saying this...juz pamper them. Not too much but juz enough for both of u to feel comfortable with each other. She wants to spoiled coz (somehow) she wants to feel safe when she is with u. She wants to feel...calm. N when she wants to be close to u...this is the best time to be intimate. NO, it doesn't have to be physically. N by physically I mean sex. U dun have to go and have sex with her juz to be intimate. NO! That is a mentally wrong perception of youngsters nowadays. Juz coz ppl say u have to be intimate with ure partner...then (mostly) will think u have to bang ure partner...have sex. Make unnecessary baby(s). No need for sex. Just hold her close...hug her tight...be silent and juz look at her till she looks away. Sounds boring?? Try it...u'll see the effects for ureself. Coz at that moment...you are the only one she has...she doesn't have anybody else other than you at that time. For them, that moment is precious...thats why they wanna feel close, safe n intimate u guys. NO SEX needed. Again I emphasize. Well, before I start splurting out nonsense...may as well end it here.
Actually...I really want ONE moment in my life...to meet with her again. And if I can have that moment...these are the words I wanna say to her...
"Elina, Mean nak minta maaf atas semua salah silap Mean.
Mean x mungkin boleh nak dpt kn balik masa2 yang da lepas...
Mean gak x mungkin dapat nak buang segale kenagan pahit Ina degan Mean.
Tapi, Mean nk Ina tau...
...seikhlas hati Mean...Mean minta maaf aatas semua salah silap Mean."
These words...are the only words I really wanna say to her. Its in Malay. So, if u dun understand...translate it. Feel free...
And...if possible...I really wanna spend my time with her...I dun care if she already has someone else...but of course its better if she doesn't. I wanna redeem myself to her if I may say it in that way. I wanna clear myself from this regret that I still have. I may seem a waste of time to u...but I doubt that its a waste of time. If I get that chance and if she gives me that chance...I will do anything in my will and strength to make her change how she once viewed me;a horrible person. Ok then...thats all...again...this idea came out of the blue...and I really juz wanted to share somewhere....so there you go.
Thnx for those who read...I appreciate it much. ^^
Chiao~ Papai... Assalamualaikum...
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